Tuesdays with Mark (10: 1-12)

This is a very difficult piece of scripture, one that will pinch or shame or challenge nearly everyone.
It begins: “The Pharisees came, and to test [Jesus] they asked him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?’” Whenever we see any group trying to test Jesus it is a Catch-22 situation, a no-win situation, it is a darned it you do and darned if you don’t situation.
The Pharisees knew that it was lawful at this time for a man to divorce his wife. We find the background for this in Deut. 24: 1: “Suppose a man enters into marriage with a woman, but she does not please him because he finds something objectionable about her…” This scripture was very open ended—all he needs is to find something “objectionable.” What did that include? It could include that the man didn’t like the way that his wife cooked his breakfast or washed his clothes or how she looked on any particular day.
One of the traps that’s embedded in this question is that John the Baptist had already spoken against King Herod’s second marriage (see Mark 6: 14-29) and we can see that he was killed for his words. The Pharisees are hoping that Jesus will fall for their question and that he will follow John’s lead and say something against divorce. They would like nothing more than to see Jesus’ head on a platter.
How does Jesus respond? “But Jesus said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’” Jesus responds to the Pharisees by quoting two other pieces of scripture, Gen. 1: 26f and Gen. 2: 24. In other words, it appears like Jesus is using two pieces of scripture to trump the words in Deut. 24:1.
As your can imagine, all of these scriptures on divorce were hitting very close to home for many of the guys in the room. I am going to guess that nearly half of them had been divorced and remarried.
So, what are we to think about and how are we to read what Jesus is saying here? I think it is clear that God intends that a marriage between a man and a woman be a lifelong commitment. That is, of course, what we all intend and hope for and pray for when we get married. I have never seen anyone get married with their fingers crossed or looking for a way out or an excuse to end it—at least I don’t believe I have ever seen anyone get married in this way. It is our hope, all of us, that when we go to the altar with someone before God, before our families and friends, before the world, that we are making a commitment for all the rest of our days.
But what happens? What happens all too often? It doesn’t work. The marriage no longer brings life but death, no longer joy but despair, no longer peace but war. This is not to say that every marriage doesn’t go through its seasons and rhythms and challenges—they all do. This is also not to say that some couples do resort to divorce much too quickly. Being married, staying married, making a marriage work, having a thriving marriage—this is some of the hardest work that any of us can do; and it can be some of the best and most satisfying work any of us can do.
I could tell that there was a lot of vulnerability in the room as we talked about these issues—I could feel it myself. The vision is clear: God hopes, we hope, that marriage will be forever. But the reality is that some don’t make it. And the reality is that even if couples do make it and do stay together that there is still sin and brokenness and mess and hurt in every relationship. All of us need grace, whether we have made our marriages work or whether we have gone through a divorce. We all need healing. We all need forgiveness. Even though this scripture is very clear, we must be careful not to beat up anyone with it; in fact, we should never use any piece of scripture as a club.
I shared my hope and prayer at the end of our session that no man was leaving there bloodied or shamed. Walking out I could see many of the men gathered together to talk about their lives and their marriages and relationships. Sometimes scripture is hard, and this is indeed a hard text; but we must always remember that we have a good and gracious and loving God.